Why "Just Think Positive" Misses the Point

We often hear that positivity is the key to success:

“Just think positive.” “Good vibes only.” “Everything will work out.”
At the risk of sounding like the Queen of Hearts, this is nonsense.

When someone is struggling, drowning in failure and exhaustion, being told to "just stay positive" doesn’t help. In fact, it often reveals a lack of empathy.

Let’s be clear: Forcing positivity doesn’t lead to success.

The Stockdale Paradox: Realism Over Blind Optimism

Jim Collins, in Good to Great (2001), highlights the Stockdale Paradox, a concept named after Admiral Jim Stockdale, a prisoner of war in Vietnam who endured over seven years of torture and suffering. Despite having no guarantee of survival, he made it out. When asked how, he gave a surprising answer.

Who didn’t make it out?

“Oh, that’s easy,” he said. “The optimists.”

“The ones who said, ‘We’re going to be out by Christmas.’ And Christmas would come and go. Then they’d say, ‘We’ll be out by Easter.’ Easter would come and go. Then Thanksgiving. Then Christmas again. They died of a broken heart.”

The despair of unmet expectations became unbearable.

Stockdale survived by embracing two truths:

He never lost faith that he would prevail.
He confronted the brutal reality of his situation without delusion.

This paradox is a powerful reminder that resilience isn’t about blind positivity, it’s about integrating hope with a clear-eyed view of reality.

Learning to Rise: Growth Over Avoidance

Brené Brown’s Learning to Rise framework teaches that rising strong isn’t about ignoring difficulty, it’s about building the skills to navigate it. Her three-step process includes:

Recognising the struggle – Naming what we feel and what’s happening.

Reckoning with our story – Noticing the internal narratives shaping our experience.

Rewriting the story – Choosing a response aligned with courage, growth, and integrity.

This approach shifts the focus from escaping discomfort to developing the skills to move through it. It’s not about resilience as an expectation but about developing the capacity to rise, risk, and grow.

Beyond Positivity: Understanding the 6 Basic Moods of Life

Alan Sieler, expanding on Rafael Echeverría’s work in Ontological Coaching, shows that human experience is much more nuanced than simply choosing to be positive. Instead of forcing optimism, he suggests exploring the moods that shape our way of being:

Resentment – “The past should have been different.”

Resignation – “The future will be no different from the past.”

Anxiety – “I don’t know what’s coming next, and I fear I won’t handle it.”

Acceptance – “The past happened. I may not like it, but I acknowledge it.”

Ambition – “I see possibilities and can create a different future.

Wonder – “I’m curious! What else is possible?”

Telling someone to “just be positive” assumes that ambition or optimism is the only valid response. But if someone is stuck in resentment, resignation, or anxiety, positivity alone won’t help them shift. A more effective approach is exploring the stories creating their mood and how those stories influence their choices.

Anxiety and the Challenge of Uncertainty

Sieler describes anxiety as a mood deeply connected to our relationship with the unknown. It arises when we perceive uncertainty as a threat rather than a space of possibility. Instead of being "negative," anxiety reflects disorientation in the face of an unpredictable future.

A colleague of mine looks for “comfort in ambiguity” when hiring staff. The world is unpredictable—whether due to market shifts, new technologies, or global crises. Employees who need certainty before acting will struggle. The ability to engage with uncertainty, rather than resist it, is key.

A More Resourceful Approach

Instead of asking, “Why can’t I just be positive?” you can ask:

What’s the story in my head about what’s happening?

How well is this story taking care of me?

What would enable me to have a more resourceful response?

What mood would serve me better, and how might I shift toward it?

What’s the smallest next step I can take to move forward?

Given my current mood, how do I want to stand, sit, move, walk, and breathe despite how I feel?

The goal isn’t to be positive all the time. The goal is to be aware, adaptable, and open to transformation. That’s what helps us navigate life’s uncertainties and create the future we want.

Frequently Asked Questions:

What is the Stockdale Paradox, and how does it help with success?

The Stockdale Paradox, introduced by Jim Collins in Good to Great, emphasises balancing optimism with realism. It teaches that success comes from having unwavering faith while confronting harsh realities.

Why is "just think positive" not always helpful?

Forcing positivity can invalidate struggles and create unrealistic expectations. True success requires acknowledging challenges and developing resilience instead of avoiding difficulties.

How can I develop a more balanced mindset?

A balanced mindset comes from recognising emotions, questioning unhelpful narratives, and choosing responses that align with growth. The Learning to Rise framework by Brené Brown provides a structured approach.

How can I shift my mood to be more resourceful?

Identify the story behind your mood, assess if it's serving you, and explore small steps to shift toward a more empowering mindset. Awareness and adaptability are key to navigating emotions effectively.